These aren't jokes so much as truisms. Funny or not, they are valuable lessons for any motorcyclists.

• The two most useless things to a rider are the braking distance behind you and nine-tenths of a second ago.
• Never let a motorcycle take you somewhere your brain didn't get to three seconds earlier.
• You know you've left the side stand down when all left turn are Bat-turns. You know you've left the centre-stand down when you’re in 1st gear at 4000 rpm going nowhere.
• Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
• When in doubt slow down. No one has ever hit something too slowly.
• The rear wheel is just a big fan on the back of the bike used to keep the rider cool and his/her butt relaxed. If going into a corner too fast, slamming on the rear brake causes the "fan" to abruptly stop. When this happens you can actually see the rider start sweating and his/her butt becomes tense.
• The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire
• It's always better to be on the side lines wishing you were on the track than on the track wishing you were on the sidelines.
• Riding isn't dangerous. Crashing is dangerous.
• If you push the bars left, the bike goes left. If you push the bars right, the bike goes right. That is, unless you continue pushing the bars all the way, then the bike will go down.
• Every ride is optional
• A 'good' ride is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' ride is one after which you can use the bike again.
• Remember, gravity and centrifugal force are not just a good ideas. They're laws and are not subject to appeal.
• Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
• Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
• In the ongoing battle between objects made of metal, rubber and fiberglass going 100+ mph and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. Same holds for cars, large trucks, and animals taller than you. Draws don't count.
• If all you can see in your mirrors is sparks and all you can hear is screaming from your passenger, things may not be as they should be.
• You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
• There are two simple rules for riding smoothly and fast in snow and on ice. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
• Always try to keep the number of times you put your side stand down equal to the number of times you put the side stand up.

A BMW rider is broken down by the side of the road (as usual). A Pan European rider stops to help.

"You need any help?"

"Yeah, have you got a spanner?"

"Sure, what size?"

"A big one. I want to use it for a hammer."

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A man walks into a motorcycle store and says "I'd like to get new mirrors for my BMW." The salesman thinks a second, then replies "OK, I think that's a fair trade".

Webmaster's comment: If the BMW Owners Club wants to make a donation to Freewheelers we will change these to Harley jokes.

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We all love our bikes, but sometimes we can love them without consideration for others!

Riding manuals say that the average driver's reaction time is: 0.75 seconds, or 1 car length for every 10 mph. If you have slower reactions due to cold, drink or fatigue then you run the risk of a serious accident.

Freewheelers new reaction testing tool, specially designed for us West Country types as a sheep chasing game, allows you to check your reaction time and improve it with regular training.

So pour yourself a large coffee and test your reactions.

Have you ever wondered why Pan European riders wave even less than BMW riders?

• Wasn't sure whether other rider was waving or making an obscene gesture.
• Afraid might get frostbite if hand is removed from heated grip.
• Has arthritis and the past 400 miles have made it difficult to raise arm.
• Reflection from etched windshield momentarily blinded him.
• The espresso machine just finished.
• Was actually asleep when other rider waved.
• Was in a three-way conference call with stock broker and accessories dealer.
• Was distracted by odd shaped blip on radar screen.
• Was simultaneously adjusting the suspension, seat height, programmable CD player, seat temperature and satellite navigation system.
• Couldn't find the "auto wave back" button on the dashboard.